Naruto: A God among mortal men
by Stuff3
Summary: In the aftermath of the ultimate battle that shook the ninja world, Naruto emerged triumphant to the awe of his friends. They each reflect on his experiences, trials, enemies and arcs that eventually make them see what was there all along. God like Naruto and harem.


**Warning**:** This is a parody. It is silly and overblown. It is meant to make people laugh at the popular yet similar fan interpretations of Naruto Uzimaki that I have seen so much of. **

Naruto starred down Tobi who lay in a crater. It was in fact a crater Naruto made from his secret awesome attack he never told anyone about because they wouldn't understand it because they, unlike him weren't geniuses. From afar his leaf village ninja comrades watched him.

"OH MY GOD!" Kiba exclaimed.

"That was incredible!" Neji let out

"Never before or ever again will an attack like that be seen, were lucky to have witnessed this!" Kakashi said in awe. All the girls of course were fawning over Naruto after all he was the coolest, hottest and strongest man to ever live ever! They were all also convinced he had a 2 foot dick, although none of them had seen it. It was just another one of those well known facts about him because he was awesome.

Lee starred on in a realistic disbelief "Hold on something doesn't seem right here" he pointed out casually.

Meanwhile Naruto stood unscathed over a defeated Tobi.

"How?..." Tobi mumbled "I was about to kill all of your friends.." he spat out blood "then you appear and destroy my plans..how?"

"Simple" Naruto said with his god-like masculine voice "It's because I'm Naruto Uzimaki and I am FUCKING GOD!" Tobi was in awe of his super coolness and then died. Naruto walked out of the canyon and to his friends walking with mad swag.

With the exception of Lee they all of course rallied to him like he was god. This was because he was a god; the demon fox blood inside him made him a god due to a super-secret, overpowered bloodline that nobody had ever fucking heard of or knew about until now. Only he had it because he was the only one worthy to wield it. He was unbeatable and untouchable in battle. The fox powers granted him immortality and wisdom beyond anything anyone could comprehend because they couldn't keep up with his awesomeness.

Naruto was special, for he was not like most other protagonist. Unlike other protagonist Naruto was the best because he was a super cool uber badass motherfucka. He was just naturally better than everyone else, despite never really working to get there, lacking true qualities like leadership, courage, and most importantly common-fucking-sense. He instead adorns more important, god like, high profile qualities such as being self-loathing, self-centered, and a having general lack of respect for everything and everyone around him, especially the elderly. You know what's a great way to act when you're shunned and rejected by the world? According to him it's to be a juvenile attention whore rather than being a noble hero willing to use his powers for the greater good of everyone else and take command of his life and write his own story so that he overcome his beginnings (Superman, Goku, any **goddamn** superhero). He also cries about every little goddamn thing regardless of its impact on the situation because it's either **his way** or the fucking **highway!**(which usually comes out of his lack of knowledge for the gravity of the situation or because he's fucking ignorant of things not going his way).

The cause he's trying to fight for and his character would be a lot better off if he had both a cause and character. His three years of training led to no growth as a man because he had to return home to learn everything while still not expanding as a person. He also still retains the ability to look through the world in his narrow self-centered mindset as opposed to the wider more logical spectrum. It's cute when your 12 and the world still seems to revolve around you but when you get older and grow as a person(which he didn't) you need to realize the world is a much bigger place and isn't there to fucking please you. But he is still amazing, a god to ants and the only explanation of his greatness being the only logical reason," because he's Naruto Uzimaki".

For instance Goku is a full blooded alien with a heart of gold.

Naruto has a demon inside him and at times can be really self-loathing. Only when shit hits the fan will he get off his high horse and think he's doing the right thing only to get stomped down and have to reevaluate why he's there in the first place (what an inspiring leader). He needs someone who already understands what's at stake to knock him off his ass usually at the cost of their own life.

But now his friends came to him fawning at his feet, and worshipped the fucking ground he walked on as everyone everywhere should. The men idolized him while all the women ravaged his hot, overly muscular naturally toned body with their hands.

"Naruto you're the best!" they chanted

"You're my idol" Choji proclaimed.

"You are the epitome of a man" Sai told him

"The sound of your name makes my dick HARD!" Neji shouted

"Naruto I just thought now would be a great time to thank you for the air we breathe and the clear water we drink" Kiba thanked him

"Naruto you preach the word of God because you are God!" Kakashi praised him "Your constant whining always came from a center of your messiah complex that states only you are able to do things right since obviously were too fucking stupid to comprehend the complexities of the situation. That itself stems from your arrogant anger that you were obviously always right even when no one else realized it or agreed with you (his ideas are horseshit). We were foolish to think our dull ideas and mind could ever be on the same level of your mega super brain and its complex thought patters. Your plans and ideas were always the logical choice (again his ideas are horseshit). Everything you say is right!" Kakashi praised his prized student.

"Naruto you saved me from evil." Sasuke said walking up to him "That being said I've always respected, idolized, and worshipped you just like everyone else had. You are my best friend". Naruto nodded smugly, merely allowing these lesser people to acknowledge his already well known awesome accomplishments.

Tsunade then walked up to him "Naruto I will officially step down as Hokage. You clearly are and always have been the better choice. You will certainly bring peace and prosperity to the Leaf village and the ninja world. Since you are immortal thanks to your god awesome powers this prosperity shall go on forever and ever and ever". They all applauded as Naruto nodded his head to their expected approval of him.

"Naruto how did you come up with that brilliant attack plan, it was the most amazing FUCKING thing I've ever seen. No one could have come up with that." Shikamaru shouted. Naruto's plan was just him unleashing his attack on Tobi right as he got into the battle field. There was really no pre-plan at all. This plan like all his others was simply running into the battle with a raging hard on and not stepping back for a moment to analyze the situation and any repercussions that could follow. Thanks to his god like sense of seeing the future he didn't need it though.

His immense power could have shattered the fucking time space continuum and destroy all life as we know it so he held back, but even then he could still destroy the entire fucking cosmos because he was that fucking strong!

He could have just changed Tobi's life for the better by spewing his bullshit sob story that everyone has fucking heard. Since his miserable life story seems to work fucking magic with everybody else he could have just told him but he didn't think Tobi was worthy of hearing his voice.

"That's simple" Naruto said smugly getting ready to answer the question "because I'm Naruto Uzimaki". Everyone was in awe of his poetic words.

"Something really seems off here" Lee pondered with his chin in his hand, tapping his foot.

Hinata then grabbed Naruto by his awesome left arm "Naruto I've always loved you! Pleasure me!" she demanded

Lee was looking at the Naruto DVD box set "I do not think it would go down like that" he said aloud.

Sakura then grabbed Naruto by his godly right arm "Naruto I've loved you longer than her. Fuck me instead"

"No he's going to fuck me" Ino said grabbing onto his awesome right leg.

"No me!" Tenten said grabbing his other leg.

"I don't think something like this would happen" Lee said as the women continued to bicker.

"Bitches bitches please" Naruto said calming them down. Upon hearing his voice there was silence because they all respected him so much and because his voice was so pure as compared to theirs "I know how we can solve this..." they all leaned in waiting for an answer "I'll just fuck all of you together". There were cheers of approval.

"Okay it definitely wouldn't go down like that" Lee said pointing.

"You deserve this Naruto" Hinata said as he walked away with her on his arm.

"Yeah only you can pleasure all of us there is no other man capable" Sakura said under his other arm (because having your main protagonist fuck everything on two legs is a really honorable characteristic. But then again when you're female cast is only there for exaggerated overwhelming and unnecessary sex scenes and only your main character gets any "**development**" I guess it's okay).

"Harem's are the shit just like ME!" Naruto proclaimed.

Then as they were walking off Naruto's foot caught onto a rock and he tripped over it and his face landed on the ground.

Naruto Uzimaki's eyes shot open to see his apartment. There was a half-eaten bowl of ramen noodles on the counter and the sun was illuminating the room through the window. Naruto rubbed his head as he lay on the floor.

"Ow that hurt.." he grumbled "Was it all a dream?" he asked himself as he looked around his room. The silence was his indication of the answer "yes it was". "Oh man and we were just getting to the good part" he whined.

"Naruto!" a woman's voice called to him from behind his door.

"Sakura" he acknowledged and ran to the door. He opened it to see an annoyed looking Sakura there. "Sakura" he repeated her name "what's going on?"

"What's going on?" she repeated him in a mock voice "Were going on a mission with Kakashi and Sai so let's get going" she pointed away with her thumb.

"Okay Sakura, sure but answer me one question.." she waited to hear him "Did you, me, Hinata, Tenten, and Ino have sex?". His answer was a solid punch to the face.

"Pervert!" Sakura scolded as she walked off. Naruto was sprawled out on his floor with a bloody nose "And clean up your room!" he heard her scream to him "It smells like ramen and semen".

**Note: ****A little over the top, overblown parody of some recurring interpretations of Naruto I've seen over the years. I just don't understand why there are so many people making Naruto out to be this God-like, unstoppable, Ultimate Badass who for some reason is always caught in a harem. I don't know why I see these popping up everywhere and I certainly don't know where anyone is deriving this from because he is nothing like this in the show (this story also points out some of his flaws in the actual story). I just think making him out to be something so drastically different from the character is getting a little overblown, especially considering many people are doing the same thing and using the same ideas/ concepts. **


End file.
